Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 2-Continued

    The First Few Weeks

     Marrying my husband, and raising three children born exactly one year apart  left me with little time to consider what I would do, if I had been given an untold amount of time off.  I had always been employed and always contributed financially to our household budget.  Often times the stress of balancing family responsibilities, coupled with employment, and college was a bit more than I could bear.  It was during those moments, I would vent to my colleagues at work – imagining a fictitious world when I would be finished with college, and enjoying a life with less stress, less work, and the ability to enjoy some free time.

     During these times, casual conversations revealed untold fantasies of how other coworkers would enjoy time off also, if work wasn’t such a necessity: Oh, the places we would go, the things that we would do, and the learning we would attain!!!  It’s strange how, when given the opportunity, the excitement and enthusiasm over having the freedom to plan my own day, to relax, to visit places, wasn’t quite what I had expected. . .

     After the initial shock of being ‘downsized’ wore off, ( for me it was about 48-72 hours,) I walked around – a prisoner to my own “mental box," in what I would call a “post employment fog.” This fog followed me wherever I went. Other people could not see it, nor could they tell by my conversation or mannerisms that I was shrouded by it, however, I KNEW it was there. It hovered over me like a bird of prey, often, very often, wrapping an invisible blanket of despair around me. It was socially crippling, yet by all outward appearances, I maintained a “normal” existence.

     Oh sure, the first week that passed by felt like I was on a staycation; I cleaned out the garage, I cleaned out closets, I cleaned the house- and then found more to clean. Maybe it was a way for me to stay busy and not think about the future. Maybe it was a way to keep me from noticing the fog that still haunted me. All I knew was, when I was busy doing something, at least I felt productive.  My husband enjoyed my new found energy and pointed out different projects that he wrote down on a “to do” list. Eventually though, the energy and zest I had for keeping up the house and surrounding responsibilities faded too; I was back in “the box” and couldn’t see through the fog.  “Where am I going?” “What am I supposed to do now?” I wondered.
The answers came easy from friends and well meaning acquaintances that later learned of my plight. “Oh, you could apply at the hospitals, or substitute teach, or apply at”…. I didn’t get offended with their words of consolation or suggestions; I knew they were genuinely trying to help.

     After holing up inside my house for better than a week, wrestling with bags of M&M’s while watching videos, movies, and You Tube-I began to exhibit the mental effects of isolation. I dubbed it PSMC, or Post employment Stress induced Mental Confinement. It's a condition where the mind is held captive in cerebral  solitary confinement. “I’ve got to get out of this box!” I said out loud, reaffirming my need for socialization, and validation.

     Sometimes it takes action and words from those facing a similar situation, to remind you that life could be worse, and that yours will get better. So it was for me, when I made plans to go for an early morning walk with close friend. And after walking a leisurely two miles, I did feel better. Self discovery on my journey through unemployment thus far, proved valuable:  it's all about validation.

Validation is a fundamental need in every human being. I determined to seek validation, gainfully employed, or not!