We Interrupt this Broad Cast . . .from A Journey Through the Stages

We Interrupt this Blog Cast . . . A Virtual Commercial

     I have been chronicling my recent trip to Washington, DC during the past few days in hopes of abating the anxiety that occasionally builds from my recent layoff. Actually, the trip has done wonders for my outlook and I feel more hopeful than I did, even a week ago.

     A recent reader of my blog suggested that, perhaps incorporating a little levity into my world of woe would bring a lighter tone to the overall topic as the timing of the subject matter is quite sensitive to my audience.  So here it is, a “virtual commercial” if you will, of my life in a light hearted moment. Take care to notice the silly tone in my words; my fodder is true life experience.

     Meet Big Boy. He’s a 115 lb canine from the family of Presacanarios. His daunting face and wide head give him an overall mean appearance, but really, he is as playful as a puppy.  Big Boy is about 4 years old and was abandoned by his previous owner; he was found wandering down a dirt road near the St. John’s Reserve. Rescued by a local woodsman, this animal now resides with his rescuer and has been well taken care of ever since.

     I have come to know Big Boy through my extended visits to Melbourne; I house sit for his family while they vacation in Alaska every summer. Big Boy loves to chase balls (I use a partially deflated basket ball), and enjoys long walks. He also loves to play in the nearby canal which both scares and irritates me because I don’t want him to get eaten by a gator, nor do I want to try and bathe this massive creature, who weighs every bit as much as I do, after he wallows in the mud bogged canals of the St. Johns Reserve.  Even still, Big Boy is my companion during my early morning runs; I feel safer running down the two mile stretch of packed dirt clay that abuts Malabar Road, accompanied by my four-legged chaperone.

     Big Boy’s interests are basic: eat, play, nap, and chase small critters. He lives his day as a hunter of sorts, groveling in mud treasures mounded along side of the five acre property owned by his master. He recently brought home a prize which gave pause to my outdoor enthusiasm: an entire side of decomposing hog ribs complete with crawling ants and a stench that would draw a nest of hungry vultures.  As I approached Big Boy, he gnawed on the bones of the decayed animal and playfully looked up at me -willing to share his indulgence.

     On another occasion during an early morning run, 10 minutes into my warm up, I happened upon what I thought were sticks, scattered in the road, right in the path of my running.  As I approached, I could see they were not ordinary “sticks.” They were, much to the gnawing fear brewing inside me, half eaten legs of an animal-perhaps a wild hog or something. At this point, I could no longer contain the uncomfortable foreboding feeling-creeping over me, and with swift resolve I picked up my pace.

     With Big Boy running alongside of me, I felt safe from would be attackers, albeit if they were human; however, I was not prepared for the possibility of confronting an animal attacker. My mind replayed scenes of movies where animals took out humans, limb from limb. Good thing I was running in the morning, I thought to myself, at least my remains would be found by high noon.

     Eventually the end of the dirt road met with tarmac and I entered civilization complete with paved side walk. Big Boy loved running next to the open field where a barb wire fence separated him from a pasture of cows. He didn’t lunge at them, or even bark. He seemed content knowing that he was with me, running in the open – a care free canine.

     Big Boy ran around throughout the course of my run, occasionally jumping in and out of the nearby canal to cool himself and hunt for – whatever! The lesson I took away that day is simple. Not everything is what it appears to be; not all half eaten animal legs come from the attack of a predator, and life can be a little more enjoyable in the breath of a carefree moment. Big Boy offered these things as well as the safety of his daunting presence; his stature alone steeled my resolve: I am safe, and I am content, in my Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment.

A Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 3

          A wistful ride on DC’s Metro – I Digress.

     The experience on the DC metro caused me to think back to the days preceding my DC trip. I had just completed a seminar sponsored by Workforce Connection where the main speaker was employed by Monster.com. Reliving some of the conversations and phrases that were spoken during the class, I was reminded how easily it is for someone to slip back into an inferior mindset. . . 

     There I sat on the DC Metro next to complete stranger dressed in business attire. He did not appear as one who wanted to engage in conversation, so I said nothing and shifting uncomfortably, looked out the window. While waiting for my stop, I wondered to myself how many of the business clientele on the metro had landed a job without the aid of a lead, friend or connection. I kept my thoughts to myself but all I could think of was – surely this is not the way it is done!  

    I remembered what Aeries, the speaker at the seminar, said about getting out and networking with others.  Aeries made job searching sound so effortless, but in reality, looking for employment is a full time job. She’d explained that it was not just one’s credentials that landed a job; it was a series of events that were connected, sort of like leads. One contact may not yield a job, but it could possibly open doors to another lead. Eventually the right source would net a position for you, albeit through connections, leads, and with the appropriate education & experience.       

     As the Metro chugged along and I waited for my stop, I continued the slide down into the dark recess of my mind. I maintained my sanity and clarity, though it was masked by my emotionless expression, and my sun glasses. There I sat, reliving that frightful day in the crowded auditorium, filled with unemployed people. This did nothing but dredge up the hidden anxiety that had lain dormant until now. I remembered my first impression walking up to register for the event. I saw the long line of people and thought nothing about it. I figured they were all registering for various summer classes since it (the seminar) was being held in the auditorium of a local college.  How wrong I was!

     I entered the building and walked to the back of the line waiting patiently for my turn to approach the registration table. As I waited, more people lined up behind me.  My heart and countenance literally sunk as I saw the number of unemployed people seeking assistance. I felt like a small speck in such a huge pool of applicants. Even more disturbing, I thought, were the number of folks who had to be close to retirement age.  They looked to be in their mid to late fifties –perhaps just a couple of years or so from retirement.  My guess was simple: these folks were the people who had worked in the same position or for the same company for years, maybe a couple of decades or more. They were the ones who were the first to get “downsized” because they’d been there the longest and perhaps were making more than what a “new hire” would earn.

     As I took my seat in the auditorium after registration, a pit of nausea welled up in my stomach. I sat for the first few minutes in disbelief at the sheer volume of people in the room. Oh yes, I had been aware of the economic down turn. Yes, I had been aware and had read daily about the people who continued to lose their jobs.  But coming face to face with those printed statistics who were now robed in flesh made me realize the magnitude of our current recession. These were people!  And people had faces!  I looked directly into the eyes of those “statistics” and saw the hurt and pain that was clearly evident. Until then, even after my own lay off, numbers or “stats” of unemployed people were just that – numbers.

   Since that day I’ve realized that people are so much more than just numbers. Not that I didn’t already subconsciously know that, but I am now more acutely aware of the significance a person feels while employed, and how insignificant one can feel -when he is not.  

     My thoughts end abruptly as the Metro pulls into my station and I begin to gather my belongings.  I am visiting the Smithsonian Air and Space Museum today and learning about the travels of yesteryear; perhaps a glimpse of the past will inspire and enlighten me, as I Journey through The Stages of Unemployment. 

A Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 3
                   A Glimpse of the Working Person

            In the last 2 weeks, I traveled to the metropolis of DC to experience the dynamic history and diverse culture of our nation’s capitol.  If you have been following my blog, you will note that my need for distraction is exacerbated by my recent lack of employment; how I choose the distraction is dictated by my finances and availability. With those two key factors in mind, I took the plunge and began my trip to Washington, DC.  Armed with just one suitcase, some snacks, two coolers, my laptop, and several books, I readied myself for some unique experiences surely to come my way!

     Really, I hadn't given too much thought about work, or the lack thereof.  Don’t misunderstand me, the need was/is still very much there, it’s just that the preparation for this trip took more time than I originally thought. In addition to meeting the requirements for job hunting and filing for unemployment, there was much to research in DC. I needed to check on hotels, and museums, the metro fare, and buses.  I called my local state representative to see about tickets to the Whitehouse, as well as other places. Plus, I had to consider alternatives, just in case my original ideas/plans didn’t work out. Like I said, in between sending out resumes online, and making phone calls, and checking on leads, this little research project kept my mind preoccupied .

     I hadn’t realized how much my mind had been occupied with research for my trip, until the day after I had arrived. I bought a 7-day metro pass for unlimited traveling and as I boarded the metro heading for my tour of the White house, I noticed that even though the morning ‘rush hour’ was over; the car was still quite full of people dressed in business attire. They’re going to work, I thought to myself, and I am not. At that particular moment, it hit me. I am not ON vacation; I’m not a working person, and therefore, I have not earned a vacation. Thoughts like these haunted me as I watched person after person enter and exit the metro- looking genuinely focused carrying their brief case or laptop. 

     My emotions ran a complete cycle from guilt to envy. How was I going to enjoy my trip knowing I would encounter “working people” every day? It’s one thing to go on a vacation while you are gainfully employed; most people, me included, have said at one time or another: “I’ve earned this time off! I deserve a vacation!” But a vacation is not a vacation if you’re not part of the working class. . . at least that’s how I felt.  Knowing that I did not have a job to come home to made it difficult for me at times, watching others ride the metro to work.

     This was my first lesson on my trip to DC: character building.  Seeing other people enjoy their work, watching them as they steadied themselves for the day, seeing them return from their day and interact with others, caused me to look within my own character and evaluate what really is important in my life. It’s really not about a title, or about how much you earn, it’s really about how well you can relate and connect with the people around you – on any level.    

     It’s been said that people don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care. I now realize that caring a little bit more about the people around me and their life struggles, allows me to recognize and appreciate what I had then, and what I have now, in this Journey through The Stages of Unemployment.

Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 3                            A Change of Scenery

  At this point in my “stage,” I recognize that having a change of scenery may actually be good for me. I look forward to some much needed down time where I can sit and write, or sit and think for uninterrupted periods of time.  Though I know I will be sightseeing and picture taking, for me, processing the entire experience into a written essay will bring a great release. That’s what I am, that is my true heart’s passion: a writer at the very core.

   So here’s to journaling my experience and logging miles of scenery abating the nagging ‘weight’ that tries to tie my ankles with invisible cinder blocks.  Perhaps as I travel, I will glean a broader view of how others are faring during my Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment.

A Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 3

                                            As the Dust is Settles. . .

     As my (new) life in the unemployment market begins to form, I am acutely aware of how despair can easily overcome a person.  Lately, I have fought the urge to succumb to hopelessness by reminding myself of my qualifications, and determining to volunteer somewhere, anywhere – just to keep my business skills current and my mind sharp. As I venture down this uncharted territory, I realize what makes it (being unemployed) so difficult for me: I have never been without a job in my life. I had no plan “B.”  I never considered or imagined NOT being in the work force.

   Though it has only been about 6 weeks, at times it feels much longer than that. When I read the newspaper’s account of the unemployed rate, and how long each person has been collecting benefits, I wonder what my mental state will be like after 6 months or a year.  Six weeks feels like eternity let alone 6 months, even worse yet; I can’t even imagine being unemployed a year or more.

     I determined and willed myself to press on; my clouded vision became clearer only after my youngest daughter, noticing my despondency, announced -“Mom, you need a goal!” “You should focus on getting back in shape, while you are waiting for a call!”  The comment weighed on my mind for a day or so. Not that I was overweight, or too out of shape, but she was right: I did need to change my focus and have a goal.  That week I determined to train for the local 4^th of July race – a 4 mile run.

    In addition to having a physical goal, I decided to take a much overdue vacation. I came to this decision very simply: I knew that I would be gainfully employed again at some point in the future, and that I would most likely have to work at least 6 months to a year before getting any time off. Considering it had been four years since my last vacation, I crunched some numbers, and tapped my savings account and started making plans.  Having planned a trip to DC a few years back which never materialized, I set out to redeem the long lost trip that would inspire and refresh my thought process.

     Interestingly enough, I know it may seem odd for an unemployed person to take a vacation. Fact is- most people who are not working probably can’t afford to take a vacation. The bright side of my equation is that I have lived very frugally for the past few years in hopes of taking an Alaskan cruise; when that never happened, and I was subsequently laid off, I knew the money would help buffer my lean budget. Yes, I could leave the money in savings and not go to DC, but when it’s all done and said, and I look back on my life, I want to say that I have made memories, lived well, and not lived with “should’ves and could’ves which plague so many people.  

     As I continue to walk through the dust settling stage of this journey, I have learned that having a goal, and taking care of one’s physical health, is as important as taking a mental break and getting away.   So here’s to the inspiration that I will glean on vacation. . . while I  Journey through The Stages of Unemployment.

Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 2-Continued                                                         

“Just Keep Swimming...”

      This past week was an interesting week for me, in that I participated in a workshop sponsored by Monster.com through Work Force Innovation.  How I “got there” began by my admission and acquaintance with the DREADED idea of – filing for unemployment. I did not want to face the fact that I was now among the thousands of folks currently not employed, and alas, also a statistic noted in the Bureau of Labor and Employment charts. I was not feeling too happy.

      Being unfamiliar with the ins and outs of the unemployment realm, I researched exactly what needed to be done to be a recipient.  Not that I looked forward to filling out more forms, or surfing the net for a better understanding of how the government works;  that takes time, and time is money! I learned however, that once you file for unemployment, your previous employer  must verify that you are no longer employed; then your name is sent to Tallahassee (for Florida residents,) as well as a local career building data base.

     After following the portal instructions on how to file online, I was asked a series of questions regarding my willingness to participate in classes –involving re-entering the workforce.  “Are they kidding?” I asked myself. What a great way to get out of the house and shore up my business skills!  I welcomed the opportunity.

     About 3 weeks later, I received a letter in the mail, and through my email account, inviting me to a workshop. This workshop/seminar was funded by the Work Force Innovation program in Tallahassee, and developed locally through the One Stop Work Force. Monster.com was sending one of their representatives to the workshop to inspire, motivate and educate. It was during this seminar, I learned techniques to get ‘noticed’, how to navigate their web page, and learned about additional classes offered on interviewing and résumé writing.

     My initial reaction to the seminar was met with a small amount of fear and discouragement. “Look at all these people, there must be about 150! We’re all looking for the same thing . . . job placement!” Truthfully, that was hard for me to get past; I felt overwhelmed and wanted to walk out at that point.  It was then that I saw a Jonathan, a young colleague; we’d shared the same collegiate program and a couple of classes together.  He openly told me, when his last semester of college had ended, the facility where he interned did not offer him a paid position. Now, he too, was looking for employment. I greeted him warmly, and we made small talk. After hearing his plight, I decided to stay, and took a seat nearby.

     Soon afterward, the main speaker, Aries, arrived to the platform and began the seminar. With a smiling face, and tender enthusiasm, she shared ways to bring our experience and education to the forefront as we sought employment. Using a multi-media presentation, she taught subjects on how to get “noticed” – and how to make our resumes “stand out”, so we would be chosen for an interview. Her simple and easy-to-understand tips were worth the wait!
     Working directly with the folks from Tallahassee, Ocala's One Stop Work Force helps people find employment, while they polish their resumes, and learn new job hunting skills. I also learned that One Stop offers individual training and development, one-on-one. Three days a week they allow “walk-in” counseling, while the other two days are dedicated to scheduled appointments.  As the morning wore on, I felt less like leaving, and a little more optimistic . . .

     Later on, Aeries moved into a new area: professionally marketing yourself via your résumé’, and online.  Until then, I am not sure if I had ever heard the words: “online presence.”

     My résumé’ was up to date, no problem.  I had multiple versions of it because I’d applied to several positions within my field of education and work experience. What was new for me, (I am dating myself,) was that one no longer applied “face to face” at an HR office.  Gone were the days when one would answer an ad in the newspaper, and either call for an interview appointment, or arrive on the spot. Everything, most every job listing- was posted via the web! Whatever position, whatever field of expertise sought after- was relegated to an internet portal, a job search engine,   or a web page.   I learned early on that just because I applied online and uploaded my resume, didn’t guarantee an interview. As a matter of fact, I sometimes I doubted if my resume was ever really looked at!!!

     I left the workshop seminar with a different paradigm. Given a nugget of hope to nibble on for the next few weeks, I smiled within wondering how my future would unfold. No longer anxious, I knew others were in the same predicament; they too were trying to ‘find their way.’ 

     Being a big fan of kid’s movies and cartoons, I couldn’t help but think about my cartoon friend Dory. The cartoon “Finding Nemo” was a favorite of mine; Dory’s carefree personality resonated with me. Her words “just keep swimming” seemed to ring true in my life, more often than not. During the last few years, when Algebra or Statistics seemed to block the road to finish my degree, when all my study habits produced a lower grade than what I’d expected, when death knocked on my door . . .I just kept swimming.

And I suppose that’s just what I will do now . . .just keep swimming.  Thanks Dory.

    

Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 2 –Continued

                                                                Pressing On

    So here I am 6 weeks later: I have found out that self worth is important, that not having validation in one’s life can break a person’s spirit, and that I must press on – regardless of how I feel.  No one ever told me that the same chains that bind me to my bed and make me NOT want to get up, are the same ones that hold a person to an addiction…It’s all about the mind. Having a made up mind can do wonders for your physical well being, your spiritual well being and for your outlook in life. Though there may be a biological or physiological component to an addiction, by and large, if one can lead his own thought processes toward the door of escape, by maintaining a positive mental support network, it is a step in the right direction. . . just saying.

     For me, it took a while to get off the yo-yo cycle of “I feel great today/I am lost today” kind of mentality. However, I realized by setting a daily goal, I not only validated myself, but I became more productive, even if I wasn’t on someone’s “payroll.” Setting a daily goal helped me see things clearer; the mental fog dissipated – I was on my “way.”

Journey Through the Stages of Unemployment

Stage 2-Continued

    The First Few Weeks

     Marrying my husband, and raising three children born exactly one year apart  left me with little time to consider what I would do, if I had been given an untold amount of time off.  I had always been employed and always contributed financially to our household budget.  Often times the stress of balancing family responsibilities, coupled with employment, and college was a bit more than I could bear.  It was during those moments, I would vent to my colleagues at work – imagining a fictitious world when I would be finished with college, and enjoying a life with less stress, less work, and the ability to enjoy some free time.

     During these times, casual conversations revealed untold fantasies of how other coworkers would enjoy time off also, if work wasn’t such a necessity: Oh, the places we would go, the things that we would do, and the learning we would attain!!!  It’s strange how, when given the opportunity, the excitement and enthusiasm over having the freedom to plan my own day, to relax, to visit places, wasn’t quite what I had expected. . .

     After the initial shock of being ‘downsized’ wore off, ( for me it was about 48-72 hours,) I walked around – a prisoner to my own “mental box," in what I would call a “post employment fog.” This fog followed me wherever I went. Other people could not see it, nor could they tell by my conversation or mannerisms that I was shrouded by it, however, I KNEW it was there. It hovered over me like a bird of prey, often, very often, wrapping an invisible blanket of despair around me. It was socially crippling, yet by all outward appearances, I maintained a “normal” existence.

     Oh sure, the first week that passed by felt like I was on a staycation; I cleaned out the garage, I cleaned out closets, I cleaned the house- and then found more to clean. Maybe it was a way for me to stay busy and not think about the future. Maybe it was a way to keep me from noticing the fog that still haunted me. All I knew was, when I was busy doing something, at least I felt productive.  My husband enjoyed my new found energy and pointed out different projects that he wrote down on a “to do” list. Eventually though, the energy and zest I had for keeping up the house and surrounding responsibilities faded too; I was back in “the box” and couldn’t see through the fog.  “Where am I going?” “What am I supposed to do now?” I wondered.
The answers came easy from friends and well meaning acquaintances that later learned of my plight. “Oh, you could apply at the hospitals, or substitute teach, or apply at”…. I didn’t get offended with their words of consolation or suggestions; I knew they were genuinely trying to help.

     After holing up inside my house for better than a week, wrestling with bags of M&M’s while watching videos, movies, and You Tube-I began to exhibit the mental effects of isolation. I dubbed it PSMC, or Post employment Stress induced Mental Confinement. It's a condition where the mind is held captive in cerebral  solitary confinement. “I’ve got to get out of this box!” I said out loud, reaffirming my need for socialization, and validation.

     Sometimes it takes action and words from those facing a similar situation, to remind you that life could be worse, and that yours will get better. So it was for me, when I made plans to go for an early morning walk with close friend. And after walking a leisurely two miles, I did feel better. Self discovery on my journey through unemployment thus far, proved valuable:  it's all about validation.

Validation is a fundamental need in every human being. I determined to seek validation, gainfully employed, or not!

At First You Cry - A Journey through the Stages of Unemployment

 Stage 1

                                                           The Day the Ax Fell

     Unemployment, non working person, laid off; these words echoed in my mind after leaving my office on April 30, 2010. Walking out of the place where I had been employed for nearly 13 years- seemed almost surreal.   With my college graduation just a week away, I had no ‘back up plan,” – no “plan B.” I had blindly assumed that my current employer would allow me to pursue  job opportunities- while gainfully employed within their company.  How wrong I was!

     Under the rain of “economic turmoil, and the current recession,” there I stood wishing I had some magic umbrella to deflect the storm pouring down on me. My mind raced as I walked to my car. I had always wondered when I watched those TV shows where men or women get ‘canned’ – how they felt as they walked out of the office, box or bag in hand; now I knew.

     Having worked in the same field for 18 years, I was quite familiar with inner office politics, running a business, and the friendship that comes with long term employees. These thoughts, coupled with an onslaught of unanswered questions barraged my mind, as I walked through the office, on my way out the door.  In my hand I carried a file, a manila folder I’d created a few years back containing a running log of all my days off. I had used many unpaid days off for college, and a few for interviews, plus- I’d used up all my vacation days finishing an internship/practicum during my Bachelor program. Current policy changes for vacation time meant that- my decade plus of service would NOT be rewarded with paid unused vacation days. Loyalty of service literally meant nothing.

     As I cleaned out my desk, my mind wandered back to fragments of the previous conversation: “This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do” lamented the Office Manger as she adjusted herself in a chair in front of me. “Huh,” I thought- “What is going on here?” No sooner had I thought this, the dreaded words emptied from her mouth. “We’re going to have to let you go.”

     Cascading like a small canoe down an ominous waterfall, my outward appearance gave no clue to the inner turmoil that had pummeled my being.  Yes I had been preparing myself for the “next step” in my future. Yes, I had returned to college – way before the economic down turn-to obtain my degree. Was it my fault the world was in a recession? I had busied myself obtaining a degree while watching the market, confident I would be employed until….Until. – The word echoed in my mind. “Until What?” I asked myself. Until I had found another position, I thought.  But now that confidence was removed.

     Pulling pictures off the wall above my computer, I looked around to see if there was anything else that belonged to me, then quietly headed to the front door. The rest of the staff had already left. There was no one to embrace, to say good bye, or wish me “all the best.” – I later recognized this as an ‘emotional set up’ of sorts. Other employees had been pre-warned of the impending layoff and they left the office promptly before my exit. Convenient? Perhaps.  Sad? Most definitely. 

     Handing my key to the office manager, I turned and said “Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to work in this establishment, for the experience I have gained, and especially for working around my college schedule.”  With a slight embrace I touched the arm of the person who I had come to know and appreciate over the last decade; it was that same arm holding the exit door open – leading me out to -the unfamiliar world of unemployment. 

Owed To the Code

Owed to The Code

Your skirt is just a fraction
A working man's -distraction
A symbol of nonconformity . . .
It may look so cute on
The bottom that it curves upon
But, it also doth not cover up your knees.

You see, holiness on the outside
addresses what is- inside,
A manfestation of His righteousness.
And holiness is God's way
to honor and to say,
He expects more from us,
And certainly -nothing less.


3/19/09