The Day the Ax Fell
Unemployment, non working person, laid off; these words echoed in my mind after leaving my office on April 30, 2010. Walking out of the place where I had been employed for nearly 13 years- seemed almost surreal. With my college graduation just a week away, I had no ‘back up plan,” – no “plan B.” I had blindly assumed that my current employer would allow me to pursue job opportunities- while gainfully employed within their company. How wrong I was!
Under the rain of “economic turmoil, and the current recession,” there I stood wishing I had some magic umbrella to deflect the storm pouring down on me. My mind raced as I walked to my car. I had always wondered when I watched those TV shows where men or women get ‘canned’ – how they felt as they walked out of the office, box or bag in hand; now I knew.
Having worked in the same field for 18 years, I was quite familiar with inner office politics, running a business, and the friendship that comes with long term employees. These thoughts, coupled with an onslaught of unanswered questions barraged my mind, as I walked through the office, on my way out the door. In my hand I carried a file, a manila folder I’d created a few years back containing a running log of all my days off. I had used many unpaid days off for college, and a few for interviews, plus- I’d used up all my vacation days finishing an internship/practicum during my Bachelor program. Current policy changes for vacation time meant that- my decade plus of service would NOT be rewarded with paid unused vacation days. Loyalty of service literally meant nothing.
As I cleaned out my desk, my mind wandered back to fragments of the previous conversation: “This is the hardest thing I’ve had to do” lamented the Office Manger as she adjusted herself in a chair in front of me. “Huh,” I thought- “What is going on here?” No sooner had I thought this, the dreaded words emptied from her mouth. “We’re going to have to let you go.”
Cascading like a small canoe down an ominous waterfall, my outward appearance gave no clue to the inner turmoil that had pummeled my being. Yes I had been preparing myself for the “next step” in my future. Yes, I had returned to college – way before the economic down turn-to obtain my degree. Was it my fault the world was in a recession? I had busied myself obtaining a degree while watching the market, confident I would be employed until….Until. – The word echoed in my mind. “Until What?” I asked myself. Until I had found another position, I thought. But now that confidence was removed.
Pulling pictures off the wall above my computer, I looked around to see if there was anything else that belonged to me, then quietly headed to the front door. The rest of the staff had already left. There was no one to embrace, to say good bye, or wish me “all the best.” – I later recognized this as an ‘emotional set up’ of sorts. Other employees had been pre-warned of the impending layoff and they left the office promptly before my exit. Convenient? Perhaps. Sad? Most definitely.
Handing my key to the office manager, I turned and said “Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to work in this establishment, for the experience I have gained, and especially for working around my college schedule.” With a slight embrace I touched the arm of the person who I had come to know and appreciate over the last decade; it was that same arm holding the exit door open – leading me out to -the unfamiliar world of unemployment.
1 comment:
Well said, "T".
I understand your words oh too well.
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